Touch, according to Dacher Keltner, a professor of
psychology at the University of California, is “the first
language we learn.” Different studies have demonstrated the benefits of seemingly
inconsequential human touch. If a teacher
supportively touches a
student on his or her back, the student is more likely to volunteer. If you

massage a loved one, the process can not only alleviate pain but also relieve depression and strengthen your relationship. However, around 17 percent of all adults in the western world fear intimacy and avoid closeness in
relationships. Fearing
intimacy typically arises at the subconscious level, and

it tends to manifest in
relationships that should
ideally be close and
meaningful. Some people, after not being in a healthy relationship for a while, meet somehow they like, but still shrink inside. They don’t want to be hugged or even touched. Does this sound
familiar?

An Underlying Cause
At times, positive emotions can trigger fear of intimacy more than negative
emotions. For example, if someone you truly care about wants to get close with you, a deep-seated fear of intimacy can take over, which makes maintaining a healthy relationship
challenging. Some

underlying causes include childhood trauma, social anxiety, and low self esteem. A fear of touch can arise if one’s culture considers it a taboo, and there are many cultures that shy away from physical touch even after marriage. Giving up control, which is often involved in physical intimacy, can be a challenge for some. Some

women might fear pregnancy. The fear of getting sexually transmitted disease (STDs) is also present in some people.

Effects of Fear of Intimacy
If you have a fear of intimacy or being touched and meet someone of interest, you will struggle in building a close relationship. While you might

not reject love intentionally, your unintended behavior can push your potential partner away. The effects of fearing intimacy don’t limit to the following:
– You might withhold affection.
– You might lose interest in sexuality.
– You might become paranoid, suspicious or overly critical of your partner.

– Your reactions to affection might be indifferent or even adverse.

What You Can Do

Start by identifying the underlying cause which can range from psychological wounds tounawareness or lack of knowledge. Once you understand the problem, you can work in

addressing it in a suitable manner. If you have trouble dealing with physical contact, these pointers can help:

– Start by shaking-hands, patting and hugging people you feel close to, be it friends or family. Continue doing it even if it seems contrived at first.
– When someone close to you touches you pleasantly, realize

that it is a positive emotion.

– Review cultural and family rules about touch, and revise them if necessary.

– Don’t hesitate to talk about physical contact openly with friends and family.

– Discuss your physical contact related values and trepidations with your existing or probable partner.

Once you start making the effort to get over your fear of touch and intimacy, it is only natural that your partner will notice. Making the change does not mean you jump under the covers straightway.
There’s a lot to be said about seemingly mundane activities such as an early morning hug,

walking hand-in-hand or watching TV with one’s head in the other’s lap. So, instead of taking the big leap straightaway, start with baby steps.