We’ve all met someone who we refer to as a cold fish. You know, those people
who seem devoid of any emotions at all, and who just don’t give off the vibes that they’re human? I know people like that. I had this best friend years ago, Jayne. I didn’t always confide in her about how I felt because I preferred to take care of things on my own.

One time, though, I had to let it out, and I told her about an
abusive guy I dated. I didn’t get far into it before she chimed in and said “So?” She took me by surprise; I thought Jayne would at least show me some sympathy. She just cut me off which led me to think of her as a cold fish. I almost felt like I did

something wrong by talking to her. Then there was a
time when one of my
ex-boyfriends, Robert,
called me a cold fish. I think that stung more than my friend I just told you about.

Why did he call me a cold fish?

I had just come back from seeing my Uncle Bill in the hospital.

He had Alzheimer’s, and it was really tough seeing him like that. Robert came in to say hi and it didn’t take him more than two seconds before he groped me and wanted to embark on an earth
shattering nookie session.
I said “Not now, I’m not into this, maybe later.” His
delicate macho sensibilities got hurt, even

though Robert knew I wasn’t myself when I came back from the hospital. This wasn’t the first time he wanted to get frisky after I came home from seeing Uncle Bill so knew my libido wasn’t all fired up when I got home. Needless to say, that relationship didn’t last. After that cold fish comment, I became even more

reserved. I also realized I wanted something more than just a physical connection, I wanted someone to talk to as well. It turned out Robert was in it just for sex. I realized that because he ended up cheating on me with
someone he said was
nothing like me. I almost felt relieved. My Aunt Margaret was cold too. She had been in an abusive

relationship with her husband since she was twenty years old; He sucked all the humanness out of her early on in their
relationship. I didn’t know this until I got older but as a teenager I just thought she was mean. My cousin Metta got pregnant at fourteen, and she didn’t tell her parents. At about six months

along she ended up miscarrying. Aunt Margaret always told Metta that if she had a baby before she was married, she’d send her to a home for unwed mothers, and she’d never be allowed to return to the family. You can see why she wouldn’t be forthcoming about her
mistake. This incident
happened on a school day.

Margaret went up to Metta’s room to get her up for school. It was like a horror show in there and Auntie found Metta pale and soaked in blood. Metta’s twelve-year-old brother Billy heard yelling and went to his sister’s room to see what was going on. When he saw all the blood and how
Metta’s face was going pasty white, he told Margaret

to call the ambulance. My aunt said no. Metta recalled that even while she was in and out of consciousness, she felt a cold chill penetrate the room.
Thankfully Billy ended up getting an ambulance and went with her to the hospital. He waited for his sister to be released. When they returned home, Billy told his

mother the doctor said Metta was an hour away from dying because she had lost so much blood. Margaret
ignored what he said and acted like nothing happened that day. My aunt is the harshest example of a cold fish I’ve ever encountered in my life. Not everyone is like her, though. Sometimes cold

people are just shy, not overly demonstrative, or they’re socially awkward. Many times though, it’s a learned behaviour. My aunt and my own mother were cold women; they taught me a lot. I can be very detached in certain situations. For
instance, if I tell someone to not touch a hot burner on a stove, and they put their fingers on the burner, I won’t

have any compassion or empathy for them. I often warn parents to monitor their children’s activity on social media. I also tell them if they don’t want to listen to my advice, that’s fine, but don’t complain online about how their child getting caught up in something they shouldn’t. I won’t display any empathy or

compassion to the parent if this is the case. I’m not heartless, though, I can empathize with their children because it’s not their fault their parents aren’t more involved.

Everyone has needs

– Are emotionally unavailable.

– Like the idea of a new relationship but don’t actually want one; Your relationships tend to be short like they have an expiry date.
– Like your own company more than being around other people.
– Only let people know what you want them to know.
– Like going after romantic interests you know are off limits.

– Have been called ice queen or iceberg. In business, this works but in a romantic situation, this is a negative.
– Lack empathy and compassion.
– Get hot and heavy at the start of romance, but after a while, you become disinterested and make excuses to forgo intimacy.
– Seem angry all the time.

How do you deal with a cold fish?
Try employing a little patience. Many times, they’re terrified of people getting too close and then betraying them. They tend to be self – saboteurs because it’s their survival technique. Show them you are not going to let them down – even if it takes you years to break through their walls.

How do you stop being a cold fish?
It takes work to let others live in your world. Trusting
people after being hurt doesn’t happen overnight. Realizing that being
emotionally unavailable isn’t healthy for you will take time too. You might like to seek professional help if you think this is too big a job for you to tackle. If

that isn’t an option, pick something small that you’ve never discussed before and talk about it with a friend or your significant other. Remember to take baby steps and it won’t seem like a massive undertaking.

Cold fish are people too.
They are salvageable, but knocking down their barriers

might be a big undertaking. Once they know you aren’t going to hurt them, they might become the greatest friend you’ll ever have in your life.

Happy endings are possible.

I know for a fact cold fish are redeemable, because I met someone who has the patience of a saint; He’s my best friend and my husband of eleven years and he melted my walls of ice.