“Love is a burning thing, and it makes a fiery ring.” This line from the Johnny Cash’s Ring of Fire holds particularly true when the ring involves being someone’s backup. Most people who’re satisfied in their roles as backups often have their justifications in place. You want love in any way it comes, you’re hoping for a better tomorrow or you’re simply

happy with how things are going. Rationalizing when playing someone’s backup is common. Your brain enters overdrive, trying to bring logic to an otherwise irrational situation. You will, in all likelihood, look for the smallest of reasons to remain in such a relationship. Pride, in such scenarios, often takes a backseat.

How Do You Know You Are a Backup?
There are clear signs you can look for when trying to figure out if someone is using you as plan B.
– Friends with benefits.
If someone you‘ve slept with does not want to be more than friends, it‘s a sign that the person does not want to commit,

at least to you.
– Dating others.
While this should ideally be obvious, there are several people who remain in denial when being with someone who openly dates others. If there is no commitment between the two of you now, it is unlikely to develop anytime in the future.

– No acknowledgement of relationship.
While you might be someone‘s ‘sweetheart’ or ‘honeybunch’ in private, is the relationship on the same footing even in public? Have you met your significant other‘s friends or family, or do your pictures make it to his or her social media accounts? If the answer is no, you have reason to

be wary.
– Poor planning.
Making and cancelling plans at the last minute is an indication that you might be no more than plan B. If there‘s one too many cancellations, it‘s probably because someone else becomes available. In case of plans made at the last minute, they could well be because of original plans

falling through.
– You’re perfect, but not quite.
The person you’re hoping to win over might tell you that you’re perfect in every way. You’re smart, intelligent and funny. Only, he or she thinks you’re perfect for someone else.

The Psychology
When you give someone else the

freedom to choose for you, you end up curtailing your own freedom, while also affecting your self esteem negatively. This, in turn, makes you feel powerless and creates a considerably imbalanced relationship. There’s a good chance you’ll become no more
than a doormat, instead of an equitable partner. When you’re okay being a backup, it gives

someone else the power to direct your life, even if it’s not what that someone wants.



What You Can Do Don’t remain with someone who rejects you more than twice, be it directly or indirectly. I say twice because I’m a firm believer in giving people second chances. Three times, or more, though, is a sure sign of trouble.

Don’t play
second fiddle to anyone because it might become a habit. If you can’t stop caring for someone, and don’t get the kind of reciprocation you’re looking for, the least you can do is tell yourself you deserve better.
At some point, hopefully soon, you have to learn how to raise you standards. After all, you have to become your own top

priority before you expect it of someone else.